The anxiety of the third parent is a deep natural manifestation of love, but excessive anxiety may be counterproductive and affect the readiness of the child. This anxiety is widespread and stems from a deep sense of concern and caring for the future, understanding its root causes and responding wisely to it in order to build a harmonious family support system。
The source of anxiety: it's more than a high examination
Parents' anxiety is not empty. It activates the traumatic memories of parents who faced important choices in the past, such as their unfinished dreams or regrets, which may inadvertently project on their children. At the same time, the separation of anxiety has made it difficult for some parents to accept that the child is about to become independent and has always sought to keep the future of the child within the pre-set。
More critically, social comparisons and environmental pressures exacerbate this anxiety, and parents are afraid that their children will “be backward” and thus continue to be nervous。
Psychologists pointed out that parents can easily pass on their emotions to their children when they do not know how to recognize and deal with anxiety。
The combination of these factors makes parents' “love” an invisible source of pressure。
When anxiety is deformed
Excessive anxiety often leads to behaviour “distortion”. Parents may suddenly change the rhythm of the family, for example by studying the nutritional diet, or by making crazy reports on remedial classes in an attempt to regain control by “do something”. But this “too hard” concern will be interpreted by the child as a silent push: “you have to be good or sorry for what we've done.”
Half of the pressure on children comes from exams and half from parents' “unnormal”。
Turning anxiety into support
The key to defusing anxiety is to return to normality. Parents can focus on three things:
Parents can also “roll themselves” rather than “roll their children” — accept children as they really are — lower their unrealistic expectations and make it difficult to reconcile with their own feelings. When parents can stabilize their emotions and say "i believe in you" and "i support you" in action, the psychological energy of the child can be greatly enhanced。
Parents' anxiety is love, but to make it “lighter” so that children can travel more easily to the examination。
