Adolescent children's emotions are like thunderstorms in the summer, and the first second is bright, and the next second is likely to be windy. Have you ever experienced this? I was just trying to remind the kid that he didn't finish his homework, and he fell on the door and left you standing there with no fire? In fact, the children's “explosives” hide their unspoken grievances — the pre-earthing leaves in the brain that are responsible for emotional control, the hormones in the body are like roller coasters, and they themselves are caught in the crossfire. This is a time of hard-on-the-ground relationship, which only turns filiation into a “field of battle”。
“i know you're angry right now, should you go to the balcony for a blow?” — the magic of the phrase is to turn the word “confrontational” into “side by side”. Last week, the boy from the neighbor's house broke his cup because his mother had taken away his cell phone. Mom didn't follow the screams, but said, "i can see that you're in a lot of trouble now, like a fire in your heart. Do you want to go downstairs with your mom?” and the kid went down and went down. The child then said, "mom didn't come to fight." psychologically, it's called an emotional mirror. You catch the child's emotions before he feels seen. You know, like, "how can you be so insensitive," "i know you're having a hard time," you know, and it's going to bring down the emotional temperature of a child。
“do you want to say what just happened? Mom is listening.” — many parents are used to rush advice: “you should”: “why don't you think about it?” but the worst thing about adolescents is being “educated”. One of the fathers shared a story: her daughter locked himself in the room after she lost her monthly exam, and instead of knocking on the door and preaching, he put a note through the door: “daddy also passed the countdown when he went to school and felt the sky collapsed. If you want to say so, i'm always in the living room." half an hour later, her daughter opened the door, crying and saying a lot of stress. It turns out that the child is not afraid of failure, but rather of the disappointment of his parents. When you replace “talking” with “hearing”, children open their minds. Remember, sometimes a child needs not a solution, but a hole in a tree that can safely express emotions。
“let's think together about next time, okay?” — the phrase hides respect and trust for children. One of the mothers found out that his son played the game late at night, instead of confiscating his cell phone, and said, "i know that you've been learning how to relax. But it affected the next day of class. Can we set a time together? "so i finish my homework for 20 minutes a day?" then mom said the kid was more disciplined than before. Adolescent children are eager to be treated as “adults” and instead of being ordered “no play”, they are given the option. When the child feels that his or her views are taken seriously, there will be fewer confrontations. Raising an adolescent child is like dancing in a minefield — carefully avoiding emotional “bombs” and passing the temperature of love. These three words sound simple, and behind them are the parents' “emotional brakes”: first to calm their tempers before they catch up with their children; first to put down the “educator” shelf before entering the child's world. If you try these three words the next time the child's emotions explode, you'll find that the soft power is more penetrating than the sound of hissing. After all, children will grow up, but the moment they are understood will be their armor for life。
