We have to be principled
Summary
Have you ever had a moment when you didn't want to take responsibility for your colleagues, but you didn't want to lose your temper, you didn't want to lose your head, you couldn't pay your friend, you couldn't open your mouth, you lived by yourself, and even to do something you didn't agree with in order to get together? Suffering, internalizing, regretting, strangling. In fact, the root cause of these problems is often the fact that you have forgotten to establish “principles” for yourself. The principle is not a rigid rule, much less a tool used to kidnap others. It is a “guideline” for your choice, and it is the bottom line for keeping you alive. This article wants to talk to you: why is the principle so important to ordinary people? What are the odds for a man without principles? And how to build a “principle of life” that belongs to you that makes you more oriented in a complex world。
I. The principle is not a dead rule. It's your life
Let's find out what the principles are. There are those who feel that “principles” are just death, disunity and even a little “axis”. But think about it, who doesn't have their own bottom line for those who really admire it
I have an older man who was an old accountant of state enterprises before he retired, and who never took a penny off the house. In one case, the unit paid him two more boxes of apples, and he came back to the warehouse with the apples and said, “i can't keep track, i can't sleep”. He was laughed at “dumb”, but later the unit had several financial audits, others had a heavy toll and his accounts were always clear. When he retired, the leader held his hand and said, “li, your principle is the best proof of humanity.”
You see, principles are not “humans”, you are “promising” to yourself — nothing can be done, nothing can be touched; no one is worthy of it, no relationship must be distanced. It's like building a house requires a wall. The principle is that you're a wall of life, holding you out of the wind。
People who don't have principles, they're like plums that don't have roots, people just push and float, they don't know where to go. Today, in the interests of compromise and tomorrow in the interests of humanity, it seems “flexible” to live long enough to be expected, with no “self”。
Two, people without principles are losing three things
Don't think "no principle" is a small thing. It's like cooking frogs in warm water, stealing your most precious things。
Trust of others
Have you ever met a man who says, "don't worry about what you're promised," and says to "b," "i'll call you when i need help. He disappears when you need it. Will you believe him again
I had a colleague who said "good talk." the colleague asked him to help with the ppt, but he agreed to do everything he had to do, and then he ran out of everything all night, and he was scolded by the leader; his friend borrowed money from him, he didn't have money, he borrowed it from the internet, and finally his friend did not pay, and he was in debt. Later, he was mentioned as a “good man, but not a good man” — you see, a “good man” with no principles, and in the end, not even a “good man” assessment。
Trusting this thing is like a piece of paper, wrinkled and you can't touch it anymore. When you compromise once and for all, others will test your bottom lines once and for all until you are treated as a "soft tomatoes"。
2. The peace of mind
Last year, i consulted a reader, and she said to me, "i'm tired every day and i'm afraid of sin." she is a “facilitating girl” in the company, and anyone can call her; she is a “good daughter” at home, and her brother buys a house where she takes out her savings; and even at a meeting of friends, she is asked “what to eat”, “where to go”, fearing that her opinion might upset others。
And i said, "have you asked yourself what you want?" and she was like, "i don't know what i want anymore."
That is the price of the principleless: you spend all your energy on favoring others, but you are the only one who gives up. It's like a rock in the heart, laughter in the day, turning in the night. For a long time, anxiety and depression will come to the door。
3. The initiative of life
A few days ago, a 30-year-old programmer, who had not worked for five years without a pay increase, was not unable to do so. He nodded every time the head of the drawings, “young people suffer and then you get promoted”, he took over the mess he had been pushed by his colleagues; even the company had asked him to sign a “volunteer agreement”, which he could not refuse. He was the first to be “optimal” because of “low value for money”。
You see, when you give up the principle and give the choice to someone else, it's like handing over the wheel of life. You can't go west when you're told to go east; you can't walk. I ended up living on someone else's board, losing to see how people feel。
Three steps to help you build the principle of “no consumption”
Having said that, you might say, "i know the truth, how can i build principles?" it's not really complicated, remembering these three steps, and you can have a "life guide" to make yourself comfortable。
Step 1: ask yourself three questions and find the "core bottom line"
The principle is not as good as it is, but to capture the “core”. You can take out a piece of paper and write these three answers:
What makes you sick
What makes you particularly successful? (e. G. Upholding fairness, helping deserving people, keeping promises)
If tomorrow is the last day, what do you regret? (such as refusing unreasonable demands, saying "no" to those who hurt you)
These are the “pregnancy” of your principles. For example, a friend of mine, who had been borrowed from relatives before, wrote the first answer to the question, “betweened as an atm”, and added a clause to his principle: “leave money only in two ways: first, there is no need for help, second, there is a loan.” later, a relative borrowed money, he simply said, “sorry, my money is kept in emergency,” although he was said to be “little”, but he never had to sleep for another's debt。
Step 2: write down the principle, don't let it be in your head
Many people think that “principles are in their heart”, but it's true, it's impulsive. Why don't you put your core principles in a memo or put them on the desk, like:
The principle of work: “don't take the fall for others, don't do anything beyond your duties”
Interpersonal principle: “people who can't talk, don't have to be hard; consume your relationship, stop it in time”
Money principle: “no internet lending, no forward consumption, no loan from friends”
I myself have a “list of principles”, one of which is “non-invalid socialization”. One time, my college classmates organized a dinner, and then they went, and they were talking to each other, and i sat there for half an hour. I was said to be “unsorted”, but i know that it would be more comfortable to save time for family and reading than to deal with these “fakes”。
Step three: "train your hands" from childhood, don't be afraid of "insulting."
The hardest thing about establishing the principle is “no for the first time”. You can start with “small things”: colleagues ask you to help pick up couriers, you have troubles, you say, “i'm sorry, i'm busy”; friends ask you to go shopping this weekend, you want to rest, say, “this week is too tired, next time”。
At first it might be a little awkward, even worried about the other side. But you'll find that true friends don't alienate you because you refuse to; truly worthwhile relationships are more respectful of you because of your "boundary feeling"。
My cousin used half a bottle of her new powder to borrow makeup from her roommate. She was embarrassed to say. And then, as i said, the roommate borrowed again, she laughed, and said, "this is for my sensitive muscles, so why don't you try the bottle that i left behind?" the roommate snuggled and never borrowed. You see, rejection does not necessarily have to tear apart, be gentle and firm, but it does better。
Iv. What happened to the principled
And maybe someone would say, "is it too bad to stick to the principles?" i want to tell you the story of two ordinary people。
The first is my neighbor's aunt wang, who runs a mini-mart for 20 years and never sells fake, expired food. Once, the supplier said, "this milk is about to run out, you sell it cheap, you sell it in new milk," and aunt wang threw people out. Later, several large supermarkets were opened around the perimeter, while her shop was constantly visited by people who said, “just trust aunt wang's shop and buy it safe”. Now her son's taking over the supermarket, and business is on fire。
The second was my former colleague kobayashi, who, upon entering office, led him “to make a false statement to deal with the examination”, who said, “sorry, i can't do it. If you think i can't do it, i can learn, but i can't compromise on principles”. The leader was black and everyone thought he was cold. It was not expected that, six months later, the company had audited, previous false statements had been discovered, the leader had been dismissed, and kobayashi had been replaced by a new leader for “behaved and bottom-lined”。
You see, in the short term, adherence to the principle may “lost the opportunity”, but in the long run you will earn respect from others and, more importantly, you will live well — without fear, without self-doubt, which is more precious than any interest。
These hypocritical principles are slowing your life
Finally, i would like to remind you not to treat “obstinate” as a “principle”, but rather as an act of seemingly “principle”。
For example, “never mistakes” and says, “i am so wrong and wrong” — this is not a principle, it is arrogance
For example, "rejecting all help," and you say "no, i'll do it" — it's not independence, it's closure
And for example, it's not black or white, and it's like being “friend or enemy” and it's a little bit old-fashioned — it's not stubborn, it's biased。
The true principle is “to do something”, but to be flexible. Like water, it can keep the pattern of "go down" and adjust itself to the shape of the container — it has a bottom line and flexibility; it has adherence and it knows how to move。
Ultimately, the principle is not to shackle you, but to protect your armour. It allows you to know where you are going in a complex world; to keep your inner clarity in the face of temptation; and to live with dignity and background in human relations。
From now on, try to make yourself a few “minor principles”: for example, “no stay up” “no say no to those who consume you” and “no to those who do not. Slowly you will find that when you start to live for yourself, life will be easier and more accessible。
There is no absolute right principle in this world, except “the right principle for you”. Find it, hold it. You win half your life。
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