We often say that a person is mature, not by his age and experience, but by whether he has a stable kernel and an independent personality and can reconcile with himself, more than by denying objective norms of the world. Growing up has never been a natural gift, but, after seeing life in its trifles and roughness, remains willing to sharpen itself and make itself warm and resilient。
The maturity of a person is never directly linked to age. There's always such a person around, who is still childish when he's old and he's still acting like he's alive, taking off a “big baby” dressed in adult clothes. And these young, adult babies often have three very distinctive features on their bodies, but it is not only hard to make a big deal out of themselves, but it is too early to get involved。
I. Extremely self-centered, everything says, "i think."
The bottom-up thinking of a grown-up baby is always at the top of his head, looking for a "back to the mountain" and a "mother" in his life, and his mind is stuck at the age of three. The children's claims are not satisfied by their parents, and they cry, throw and lose their temper, as do the grown-up babies, whose bodies have grown up without any progress in the way they are treated. As long as he does not do what he wants, or as long as he feels uncomfortable with what he says and what he does, he acts in extreme ways, even thinking that he can blackmail others and force them to compromise。
The biggest problem for such people is that they have no ability to think differently, and they don't know the boundaries between themselves and others, and they're used to using their own ideas to insinuate the feelings and reactions of all people and live in a world where "i don't want you to think i want to." for example, you've already had an appointment for the weekend, but you suddenly have a cold fever in the morning, and you're in a bad mood to cancel your date, and he's not only not concerned, but he's also accusing you of saying, "this little cold? The last time i burned 39 degrees, i went to work as usual, and you're just being nice."
He will never consider issues from your perspective, without understanding that each individual is different in quality, is different in capacity, and even less that different people face the same thing and have different priorities. A truly mature person, whose mind is three-dimensional and multi-faceted, can take the initiative to change his perspective, to take sides in understanding and thinking, and to prejudge the aspirations of others, so that the solution is more objective, rational and appropriate。
Ii. Just complaining and never wanting to change
You must be surrounded by people who talk to him, who are always full of negative energy, and whose mouths are full of vomiting and bitterness: co-workers who are difficult to live with, making too much money, family who don't understand, life who don't want to live well... And who will shape himself into a “victim” who keeps telling you how hard he is, how bad he is, as if the whole world is targeting him。
But don't think he's talking to you, trying to find a solution. Most of the time, he's just trying to find a “emotional garbage can” and pouring his own negative emotions over your head by consuming the emotional energy of others to fill his own inner void. You know, in this life, only self-help can lead to a solution, without action, and the best ideas are empty words, and the lack of action is typical of the grown-ups。
They seem to be dissatisfied with the status quo, but have never thought of actually beginning to change: being in a bad environment, they complain but they do not want to leave; they only complain and remain in a bad relationship when they encounter people who do not deserve it. In their minds, the weak, who are “wait, stand by,” expect a savior to appear and save themselves from the fire, but never think that they are the only key to changing the situation。
Real change requires risk-taking and effort, while complaining is the least costly mode of emotional disclosure. A simple tip would make them feel that "i've expressed my displeasure" and thus psychologically offset some of the humiliation of being forced to obey, and allow themselves to continue to be so comfortable that they are in a bad state." like exhaust valves in high-pressure pots, only a little steam is used to relieve stress, but never to solve the root causes. You tell them more solutions, and they'll just go back to you: "i know this, but i'm in pain." the subtext is: i don't want to work, i don't want to change the situation, i just want someone to pull me out of the mud。
Words are full of murmurs and actions are submissive, and they are always two-sided. Look what a man really thinks, never listens to what he says, but what he does. A truly mature person who never wastes his time on meaningless complaints knows that no one can suffer for himself, and no one can help himself all the time, trying to break out of a bad state of affairs, but to change his mind and put it into action, and to use all his energy for risk assessment, planning, landing。
Iii. When you're in trouble, you don't take responsibility
One of the core problems of an immature giant baby is the lack of capacity to be responsible for its choices and behaviour. Because they do not want to take responsibility, the first reaction is to find someone else to blame, who will always go out and never find reasons for themselves. The job went wrong, saying that colleagues gave the wrong information, that the platform system was malfunctioning, that the client was demanding too hard, that there was a problem, that there was no support from the family, no help from friends and bad luck. In short, all the problems are the fault of others, all the accidents are force majeure, and they are always the innocent “victim”。
Even if the reasons in their mouth did exist objectively, since the job had been accepted and the choice made, it was incumbent upon them to take on the corresponding responsibility for pre-empting risks and circumventing problems. Only when one dares to take responsibility can one really do one thing well and grow up in error. And those who encounter trouble are, in essence, refusing to learn lessons and to grow and progress, and they make mistakes in the same place, because he never feels that he has problems, and naturally he will not reflect and improve。
Their fear of responsibility is rooted in a perception bias: it is bad and useless to think that they admit mistakes and take responsibility, and it is proof that they are okay to refuse to pay and to throw the pot. But this is just a self-deception: reality never shifts from the will of the individual, and the result is always the most true answer. As long as your thinking deviates from objective norms and the choices made are not realistic, failure is the inevitable result。
A truly mature person would never escape responsibility or fear error. They understand that failure is not due to their stupidity and bad luck, but to the fact that current perceptions do not match objective patterns and require constant rectification and updating. In the hands of the world, they slowly abandon subjective assumptions, put aside unrealistic illusions, refrain from agitation, be realistic, take control of the development patterns of things step by step, and make their minds more mature。
At the end
If a person has three of these characteristics, even one, do not have a deep relationship with him. It is not snobby or mean, but it is because it is often accompanied by extremely high emotional consumption, stagnant growth and even the risk of doing something. And not only will you be his emotional guardian, who will be dragged into endless indigence and pulling, but you will also sometimes choose to pay for his mistakes, and he will slow you down。
And with the mature, he is like a stable lighthouse, bright and able to light up the path ahead for you, to support one another and to grow together, and with the immature giant baby, you tend to be the boat that drags him down hard, and in the end you will probably be on the shallows of life。
A truly nourished relationship has always been one of mutual repair rather than one-sided repair; one-lighted rather than one-sided infinity. Life is not easy, so do not take the initiative to make life more difficult for yourself, choose and mature people to walk along, away from the grown-up babies who refuse to grow up. After all, you'll never wake up a sleeping man and never bring a giant baby who just wants to hide in a comfort zone。
